


Hold Me Close

by remuslupinlover



Series: After the End (The Last of Us) [4]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Eventual Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Joel Can't Die, Masturbation, Romance, Slow Burn, Time Skips, happy endings only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25211716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuslupinlover/pseuds/remuslupinlover
Summary: Nearly a decade of being close to each other. As partners they're used to sharing personal space. In the time line of their relationship there's been many days and nights they've found comfort in each other's arms. It wasn't always easy but there was no one she'd rather be with on the roller coaster of life than Joel.Fluff to Smut
Relationships: Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Character(s), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: After the End (The Last of Us) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815124
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Hold Me Close

**Author's Note:**

> It's not good when it's finished. It's finished when it's good.  
> I tried hard to map out the Sam/Joel time line and present a few moments from their relationship. It does eventually get a little heated and graphic, thus the rating. Next chapters will probably contain mature moments. As always, thank you for reading!

* * * FALL 2029 * * * 

"Listen, _Tex_ , I only let you come along because Tommy vouched for you and said you'd be useful muscle so can you give me a boost or not?" 

Sam tries not to roll her eyes watching the dark haired man grumble under his breath. He'd been nothing but stubborn and spiteful since she'd tracked him down in Vermont. 

" _Didn't ask to come along_." She heard him mutter when he helps lift her up onto the fire escape. 

He had only agreed to run an extraction job with her. A quick trip to some hospital up North, scouting for meds, pills, equipment, literally anything to smuggle back into the QZ and sell. It wasn't a new job for him since the world had gone to shit. It was every man for himself out here. He had his way of living, surviving. 

He only took issue with the young woman when the truth came to light not long after their introductions. That his younger brother had sent her to find him. Even after that piece of shit ditches him, the jackass still has to push Joel's buttons by sending some girl to check up on him.

"C'mon, big fella. Gimme your hand." Joel looks up at the short haired woman kneeling over the metal railing, hand dangling just out of his reach. He steps back and vaults, clutching her hand as they pull him up next to her on the scaffolding. 

After catching his breath, he stands and watches the short smuggler walk over to try the handle of the fire exit door. Metal clinks against metal, locked in place. Before Joel can open his mouth she's climbing higher up the escape ladder. 

"Might be an open window!" She calls down below and with another grunt he follows. 

She ends up wrapping her hand in a spare rag and punching through an already partially broken window onto the third floor. He watches her quietly and she just assumes him to be a man of little words. His brother Tommy had given her only a vague idea of what she was getting herself into when he wrote her that letter. She'd been surprised to find the envelope slipped under her door one day. An old friend asking for a favor: _Just make sure he's still alive. He could use a new partner. Good luck keeping him out of trouble._

Sam had stared at the smudged ink on Tommy's letter and mulled over the idea of tracking down this stranger. It had seemed like an excellent call to adventure at the time. Right now as they walk down the abandoned hospital corridor, the older man just seemed like an angry recluse. 

"How'd you know where to find me? How did Tommy know where I was?" His questions are ignored as they round the corner, passing by a trashed waiting room. TV monitors and exposed wiring dangle from the ceilings. Overgrowth creeps in through the cracked brick walls and windows. 

She ducks into a side room quickly, leaving him to narrow his eyes and huff before following. He watches her dig through desk drawers and file cabinets, opening chipped doors and grabbing any scraps of bandages or gauze she can find.

"I asked you a question." He says stepping in after her, crunching broken glass under his boots. She places a finger over her lips, miming a "shush" to him and silently creeping across the room, head tilted towards a closed door. 

Joel moves up behind her, hand reaching out to grab her wrist. "You're startin' to get on my nerves, Kid."

Sam pivots quickly, knocking his hand away when she flips open a butterfly knife from her hip and presses the blade against his chest before he can react. "Don't call me Kid. And stay close, I hear noises in the next room." 

"Yes, Ma'am." He nods, eyes bright and fighting against grinning by scratching the whiskers on his cheek. He couldn't deny the small thrill feeling her blade and weight against him, heat traveling downwards quickly despite his best efforts. He was red-blooded American male after all. Should he be ashamed thinking that about a woman practically half his age? _She might even be as old as Sarah._ He can't dwell on his thoughts long before they're fighting off Infected to get to the central medical office. 

After clearing 10 utility closets, 6 waiting rooms, a couple dozen patient rooms, and more Infected than she can count on two hands they've finally covered the two accessible hospital floors and come out with a fairly decent collection of supplies. They're making their way up the stairwell to the top floor when the conversation takes a shift. 

"I'm tellin' you, them groups are all the same." 

"And how would you know Mr. Solo-Tough-Guy? The Fireflies say they want to help. When's the last time you helped someone without getting anything in return?" Joel stands to the side as she maneuvers a lock pick, the fourth floor door clicking open. She kicks it wide with her shoe, leading them down another hallway towards the floor's central service tables. 

He ignores her last question as they move behind the counters. "Why ain't you run off with those Fireflies then huh? Make some good change in the world." He says to her back, staring as she picks through various bottles strewn along the counter tops. 

"Like your brother?" Joel stills, looking up and across the destroyed room at her with a harsh glare. She shakes a pill bottle by her ear, looking sheepishly at him but smiling when a soft rattle is heard. She tosses the orange bottle at him to add to his backpack. 

"I used to trade down South, back when we still controlled Richmond. Worked with a small crew and we'd run shipments between Zones. Ran into this blonde guy a few times, they called him Ponyboy." When Joel looked at her curiously she chuckled. "Ya know, the ponytail. Anyway, Ponyboy always had the best stories, lots about his _dumb older brother_. But then he stopped showing for trades, heard he joined some radicals in the New England area. Didn't take much to put two and two together." 

"Yeah, well...that might be Tommy." Joel drawled, glancing away as he rubbed the back of his neck. The silence stretched between them awkwardly as they continued to rummage.

"He's a good guy, Tex. Stuck up for me more times than I can count. I owe him." 

"That why you tracked me down? Owed Tommy a favor?" The words came out harsher than he intended but he was tired of feeling like an inconvenience to his little brother. 

Sam turned and tossed another pill bottle to him. "I tracked you down because I needed a partner and Tommy said you could be trusted. Plain and simple." 

They stare at each other, his forehead tense with wrinkles and a fiery look of pain. She steps closer, wanting to say something helpful but only feeling tongue-tied.

Not that she would have gotten a word in when the door to their left is thrown open, bouncing against the wall with a loud smash. A screeching Infected flails through the doorway, lunging forwards and knocking Sam backwards. She trips over the loose papers on the floor, stumbling down with the heavy weight of the Infected crashing on top of her. 

She grunts, hands digging into the rotten flesh as she fights to push away the growling mouth gnashing next to her ear. Hot wet breath beats against her face and she squeezes her eyes shut, arms flexing as the Infected throws itself over her. Sharp claw like fingers dig into her shoulders and Sam cries out before a single gun shot echoes throughout the room. 

"Fuck! Thank you." She breathes and with a grunt she tosses the now still corpse off her, standing shakily and wiping at the blood covering her upper body and face. A large hand on her tender shoulder causes her to wince, and she looks up at the older man next to her, gun still drawn. His eyes do a quick scan of her, checking for cuts and bites and only lingering on her chest for a second longer than necessary before settling back on her face.

"You okay?" He asks, fingers squeezing her shoulder before quickly pulling away, reaching into his backpack to retrieve a roll of gauze. He presses it into her hand. "I'll clear the next room. Take a minute." 

A half hour later they've finally covered the entire fourth floor, scanned and searched every closest and medical cabinet they could get their hands on. It's a great score. Bandages, meds, all kinds of expired pills and even a few sterilized needles. They'll make a fantastic profit wherever they sell. 

"So what about you?" She says looking up at the pleasant view of Joel's backside as he descends the fire escape ladder. "Have any plans for the future besides smuggling?"

He groans above her and she laughs as he reaches the bottom, letting go of the metal rung and dropping a few feet to land beside her on the overgrown grass. She carries on in his silence as they veer left along the overgrowth, away from the hospital and back towards the highway. "I'm headed back to Boston, wanna see if I can sell some of these pills for a better price. You're welcome to stick with me." Her walking slows so she can turn at look at him, reaching out a hand to brush the flannel fabric on his elbow. "You proved your worth back there, I'm grateful." She hopes he can see she really means it, too. 

The hand on his arm makes him pause, staring down at her fingers before meeting her eyes. "I'm just focused on finishin' _this_ job before bouncin' off to another." He grumbles and looks away from her, falling back into another silence. 

Three nights later, they decide to camp out in the back of a mini-van crashed along the freeway near their drop off spot. Sam's pushed the retractable seats in, laying out their sleeping bags and using her stuffed backpack as a pillow. The October chill creeps through the car doors and she can almost see her breath as she gazes up at the starry night sky through the moon roof above them.

Tomorrow they'll reach their rendezvous location with one of the buyers, ending their original agreement and forced to split way. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed about the idea of separating from the grumpy dark haired man. Maybe Tommy had something else in mind when he slipped that envelope under her door. But she wouldn't force Joel to do anything. He was a grown man and could make his own decisions, even though after talking it seemed his options were limited.

He showed a moment of vulnerability as they lay side by side in their sleeping bags. She curled up on her side, facing him after he casually mentions how he pondered suicide when Tommy left him. 

"Without Tommy...hell, I don't know what I should do. I know he's better off without me...and I...I should've died a long time ago." The heavy silence passes over them before Sam reaches her hand out of her sleeping bag, the back of her fingers slowly brushing against his flannel covered shoulder. 

"You learn to find things worth fightin' for, even small things like livin' just to watch the sun rise. To keep you going ya know?" He doesn't look at her, doesn't acknowledge her comment at first, just inhales through his nose and sighs deeply. He's quiet for so long her eyes have fallen shut and she's so close to sleep she doesn't register the words at first. 

"If that offer still stands...of going to Boston with you. I'm in."

* * * SUMMER 2033 * * * 

"Just admit it, it's okay. You're attracted to her!"

"Stop-"

"Totally understand. She's smokin'."

"I said stop-"

"I'd probably fuck her too."

"Jesus Christ, Sam!"

Joel's outburst has her laughing, face muffled against the dirty pillow as they lay next to each other on the ratty mattress in his small QZ assigned apartment. They spent the last few hours passing time by staring at the ceiling and discussing the possible whereabouts of their missing third, Tess.

"I mean, it's true!" She wipes a tear away and smiles at the man lounging beside her, arms crossed behind his head and eyes glaring playfully back at her. 

"She's...easy on the eyes." He finally admits, cheeks turning a soft pink under the scrutinizing gaze of the younger woman. His confession earns him a hum of agreement from his bedside companion. 

"You know, you're not too bad yourself." Sam says with a contented sigh. He feels her fingers trail gently along his forehead and brush back his short bangs. She'd recently trimmed them herself. The soft pressure of her fingers along his brow release tension he didn't know he'd been holding in. Until she continues, "Ladies love a silver fox. I'm _sure_ she'd fuck you." 

She's quick to raise her hands in defense but they do little to block the dirty pillow from slamming into her head and she's laughing hysterically as he lifts and brings it down again. He's relentless until Sam begs for mercy, falling back into the mattress out of breath and wheezing. When she finally looks over, Joel's hazel eyes are staring straight into hers. He shoves the pillow back under his head, hands splayed out and fingers brushing lightly against the palm of her open hand between them. 

"Yeah I reckon that's partly the reason I pissed her off earlier." He confesses as he draws his hand back, eyes glazing over and staring past her. 

"She wanted to fuck? Then why'd she leave alone?" 

"I wasn't interested in playin' her games." He grumbles under his breath awkwardly but when he looks at her questioning face he knows he should say more. "Tess is...great and I trust her more than most." He scratches at the short beard on his chin, shifting uncomfortably on the blankets. "But I don't need another one."

"Another what?" The confused look in her eyes pushes him forward. 

"Another...partner. I don't know. I got you don't I?" He pulls away, moving his arms back behind his head and his gaze locks on the dusty ceiling fan with a missing blade. "More people in the mix just makes things harder. I-I think we've got a good thing goin'." 

She wants to question what exactly the _good thing_ they had going on as partners was. They'd never been sexually physical, hell Joel hadn't ever so much as kissed her. Sure sometimes they held hands through the crowded public zones or maybe he wrapped an arm around her during the ration lines sometimes but that was all just for protection. For safety. She was more than okay having a platonic, hands off friendship with the salt and pepper haired man if that was what he was most comfortable with.

When she was introduced to Tess a few years back, Sam knew the brown haired woman would make a fantastic addition to their two man crew, giving extra support and energy to their smuggling operation. Tess was a little older than Sam, who happily accepted the older woman into her life like a sister. If Sam noticed how Joel's gaze would linger on the other woman and the two started taking late night "smoke breaks", well she kept her mouth shut and emotions turned off. 

But things had changed in the past few weeks. Tess started running more jobs without Joel, leaving Sam with the grumpy old fogey who was much grumpier because of the apparent fighting. Neither would tell Sam the true reasons behind the aggression and so she was left to be the awkward inbetweener. 

She wants to question him more about the supposed break up but a banging on the front door grabs their attention. He glances at her with a furrowed brow and worried eyes. 

"I'm coming." Joel calls as he leaves the bedroom on his way to the door. Sam tosses the blankets off her, stands from the mattress on the floor and stretches as the sound of the front door closes again. She listens as two sets of boots step through to the kitchen.

"How was your morning?" Tess peeks around the archway to see Sam sitting on bed, pulling on her shoes and the heated look Tess sends Joel makes Sam suspect another fight could start. "Want one?" Tess pours a full tumbler of whiskey despite it being before noon. 

"No, I don't...want one." 

"Well, I have some interesting news for _y'all_." She says, giving Sam a saucy glance when the younger woman walks out of the bedroom and side steps past Joel. 

"Where were you, Tess?" Sam asks, grabbing a clean rag from the counter and handing it to the brunette to press against her wound. 

"West End District." She says lifting the glass to her mouth for a swallow. "Hey, we had a drop to make."

"We. We had a drop to make." Joel steps towards Tess, angrily gesturing between the two of them.

"Yeah, well, _you_ wanted to be left _alone_ remember?" Tess rolls her eyes at the man, taking another drink from the glass.

A loudspeaker outside the apartment announces the closing of the ration line, half rations again this week. The trio inside ignore the blaring as Joel turns his back to the window and presses his hands on the kitchen counter top. "Lemme guess. The whole deal went south and the Client made off with our pills. Is that about right?"

Tess laughs, "The deal went off without a hitch. Enough ration cards to last us a couple of months, easy." A pile of cards are dropped onto the wooden table, worth nearly an arm and leg these days. 

"You want to explain this?" Sam asks, hand gesturing to her cheek. Tess raises the rag to her own cut, dabbing away the fresh blood. 

"I was on my way back here, and I got jumped by these two assholes, alright? Almost like the both of you right now." She presses at her cut. "Yeah, they got a few good hits in. But...look, I managed." 

"Oh gimme that." Sam says, stepping up and snatching the rag, lifting it to Tess's cheek while her other hand reaches out to hold Tess's chin. "Are these assholes still with us?" 

"Now that's funny." Tess says, head tilting over to glance at Joel. 

"Did you at least find out who they were?" He asks. Suddenly Tess's eyes flash, and she's pushing Sam's hand away from her. 

"Yeah, look they were a couple of nobodies - they don't matter. What matters is that Robert fucking sent them."

"Our Robert?" Sam scoffs, shocked at the statement of betrayal. 

"He knows that we're after him. Thinks he can get us first."

"That son of a bitch, he's smart." Joel growls, pacing the floor. 

"No. He's not smart enough." Tess says stepping between Sam and Joel. "I know where he's hiding."

"Like hell you do." Joel snaps. 

"Old warehouse in Area 5. Can't say for how long though." Tess turns back to Sam, looking between the two with her hands on her hips. 

Sam tosses the bloodied rag on the counter, "Well, I'm ready now. Yeah?" She glances over at Joel who has a fiery look in his eyes, already rounding the counter and headed towards the door.

"Oh I can do now." Joel replies and the three of them disappear out the front of the apartment, unknowingly walking into their most challenging journey. 

* * * WINTER 2034 * * * 

She remembers Before her family had joked about her loud snores when she slept. Funny how the environment can condition old habits into new ones. Years of sleeping in fear of attack, any noise giving away her position had slowly broken her of the snoring. It felt like she always slept with one eye open after the outbreak.

Not everyone could be trusted. Nowhere was perfectly safe.

Some nights, not even her dreams are safe. 

She had warned Joel of the potential night terrors when they started sharing mutual space back in the QZ. She remembers the empathetic look and nod he had given her but said nothing else. It was an unspoken acknowledge of support. 

When she's out on the road, traveling through the unknown dangers, her nightmares come more sporadically. In the world outside of Jackson, she has to rely on her silence to maintain her life. Rough days make for rough nights, waking sweaty and shaking, hands clawing her way out of her suffocating sleeping bag.

She's carried a lot of mental terrors back with her to Jackson. The town seemed like a good place to leave the baggage behind but it's never that easy.

The memories always find her. Faces and voices that turn to screams and lifeless eyes that bore into her very soul it leaves her trembling when she wakes. The eeriness of the quiet bedroom amplifies her thoughts. It feels almost normal: the soft mattress under her and happy pictures hanging on the wall like there hasn't been zombie-like Infected roaming the Earth for twenty plus years. It's always in the early morning hours when those thoughts invade her head. 

Most nights, she'll find whatever book is nearby and let her mind be distracted by ink on paper even if she'd have to reread the words again in the morning. Other nights she'd count her breaths, bite her lip, and cry until she was too exhausted to fight sleep again. 

Tonight is one of the worst she's had in a while.

Her bleary eyes shift from the ceiling to the clock on her bedside table. The blinking red digits finally change shape to read a perfect 3:00 AM. Still a couple hours too early to make excuses to start getting about the day. Not that she feels like she could even manage cooking, let alone stomaching breakfast right now. 

The knot in her stomach twists further when the image of his mangled body flashes through her mind. She blinks it away, sniffling into her pillow. _It's okay. I'm okay. He's okay._ Her attempt at a reassuring mantra slowly turned into silent sobbing, salty tears streaming down her face into the pillowcase. 

A part of her mind was calmly telling her to regulate her breathing but then she'd see him lying still on that ratty mattress and panic was greater than any logic. Her chest heaves violently as she struggles to take in air, hands clawing at the thin sheets beneath her, riding the waves as they rocked her body. 

Minutes feel like hours as she regains some composure, trembling hands reaching up to brush the sweat and tears off her cheek. She needs to see him to know he's okay. The powerful temptation makes her push the worn blankets off her and has her slipping out her door into the dark hallway. 

The hardwood floor creaks quietly under her bare feet as she tip toes across the landing. His bedroom door is opened half way, the faint light from the windows casting a glow on her as she steps inside. 

She stops just after she rounds the corner, just far enough to see his figure covered in the dark comforter. It's draped across his broad back, arms curled around the pillows by his head. He's turned away from her, face obscured and hair sticking out wildly across the light sheets. She holds her breath, eyes narrowing in through the shadows to focus on the rise and fall of his shape. The breath she's holding escapes her louder than she thought and guilt overwhelms her when she sees him stirring. 

"Sam?" The low grumble he emits in his half asleep state sparks a warm feeling in her chest. She covers her face with her shaky hands, forcing the tears back down. When she pries her fingers away, he's already turned over in bed, arm propping him up on his side as he blinks at her with squinting eyes. 

"Can't sleep?" His voice is even deeper, gravelly but she hears the concern in his question, sees it in the way his hand lifts hesitantly from the blanket before falling back down on his hip. 

She can only nod, feeling frozen in spot on the hardwood. The memories of his torn and bruised body laying on another mattress are running through her mind. She didn't think he'd survive. Not when she had seen the shiny steel rod coated in his blood sticking out through his chest. She'd wanted to be strong for Ellie then and strong for the tired man across the room from her now but the memory of his faint heartbeat under her palm triggers the awful feelings of his near death experience all over again. 

There's no controlling the tears running down her cheeks now. The weight in her gut makes her legs tremble as they carry her closer to him. Joel shifts backwards on the queen sized bed, pulling the blankets up so she can fall into the space beside him. He throws the comforter around her, cocooning her in his scent and warmth. Immediately she's burrowing into his neck, pressing her palm against his chest above his heart just like she had done not too long ago. 

"It's okay. You're okay." He whispers, arms wrapping around her in a familiar way, comforting her like so many nights before. "I'm okay." The pressure of his hands on her back, bringing her closer to him, soothe her in a way she's come to crave. 

This was how they helped each other. They'd found the six word mantra as a way to support the other in times of need. When they didn't know what else to say or when finding other words was too hard, too upsetting. They said it because they were partners and she wasn't okay if he wasn't okay. 

Nightmares were a common occurrence and over the years they built a routine to help each other. It's always in comfort. Always to hear someone breathing, or to have the other's presence to distract from the fears and worries. Sam admits she can be a physical, touchy-feely person; she enjoys the feeling of touch and giving affection, especially if it involves a certain older man. 

At first, in the Boston QZ when they hunted and smuggled, Joel took a long time to warm up to her. It started with her casually leaning in to him for warmth during the cold nights like when they were stuck sleeping in cars outside the Zone. Then she would ask to hold his hand to stop the trembling. Soon they feel no shame curling up around each other after a night terror, wrapped in familiar and pain relieving arms. That's just what they considered a piece of their partnership now, a part of the comfort. 

When they settled in Jackson, the nightmares come more often for her. She thinks it's because all the trauma finally caught up with her after running for so long. Being in one place allowed the pain to sink deep into her bones and mind. But the nights she spends next to him ease the suffering. 

He always leaves his door cracked open after that night. And at least once a week, when the screams and dead eyes wake her, she finds herself drifting across the hardwood floors and falling into the space beside him again, protected from the night by his comforting embrace.

* * * SPRING 2035 * * * 

Crickets chirps from the darkness of small garden plot in front of the raised porch. A soft orange glow from the lamp light above the door casts shadows along the aged wooden floor boards. Sam watches a June-bug crawl next to her boot and with a nudge it flies up and becomes a spec among the faint stars in the evening sky. Rocking back in the patio chair, she stretches her legs out and sips from the lukewarm mug of coffee, Joel's secret stash.

She'd have some apologizing to do later when he decides to finally show his face. Despite her best efforts, her heart beats a little faster thinking of the bearded man. She knows he's hurting big time, she is too. 

But no one is hurting more than Ellie. Sam's hand squeezes tightly around the coffee cup, thinking about part of the note she had discovered and shared with Joel last night. 

_I'm going back to St. Mary's. I need to know what really happened._

She had noticed it an few hours after dinner when she was finishing up the dishes that night, long after Ellie had left their house with a short and uneasy goodbye. The peculiar corner of a piece a paper sticking out from between the pages of her book left on their kitchen table. She read the teenager's loopy hand writing and raced up the stairs to find Joel in his work shop, looking up at her curiously from one of his half built guitars. His hazel eyes had widen at the look of panic on her face before glancing down questionably at the note clinched in her fist. 

Joel stormed out of the house towards the stables before she could reason with him about how late it was and the dangers of traveling during night time outside the town walls. He didn't seem interested in listening, only acknowledging her plea for him to be safe and find Ellie quickly with a nod before he put pressure in the horse's flank, trotting along the path out of town. 

She knew things had gone bad as soon as she got the call from Tommy's radio: Ellie had been spotted riding back up the ridge to town, alone. 30 minutes later the radio crackles again, letting her know Joel has arrived safely. 

_"Looks like he's in rare form. I'll handle him. You might wanna see to Ellie-"_ _The blonde Texan tells her over walkie-talkie, his channel line cutting off with a bite of static when the teenager in question barges through the front door of Sam and Joel's house._

_"You lied to me." Ellie hisses, slamming the door behind her, boots stomping loud against the wooden floor as she marches up to Sam. The radio is turned off before getting tossed onto the couch nearby as Ellie quickly closes the distance between them._

_"Ellie, I'm sorry-"_

_"I don't want 'sorry'! I want to know_ why _!" The teenager throws her hands up, pacing in front of the stairwell, jaw clinched and grinding. "Why did you do it? Why did you stop them?" She asks, fiery and accusing eyes flashing up into Sam's. The older woman can only stare, aching to reach out and comfort the girl. She opens her mouth to speak, trying to find the words to help ease the aggressive tension._

_"They were going to kill you, Ellie."_

_"And it would have meant something!" The growl from the younger girl startles Sam, making her take a step back at Ellie's explosive reaction. She's pacing again, hands curled like claws and shaking in front of her. "My life...would have been...worth something!" She croaks, tears streaming down her cheeks as she collapses onto the bottom stairs, bent over as if physically in pain._

_Sam can't contain her own tears at the sight of her young friend in such emotional turmoil. "Ellie, your life is worth_ everything _to us. I'm sorry-"_

 _"I told Joel...and I'm telling you. We're done."_ _The teenager stands in silence while brushing away tears and leaves Sam watching from the staircase as the front door slams behind her._

_Sam knows she has wronged Ellie by keeping the truth from her. But when they had finally reached St. Mary's and were told what really would happen to the little girl they helped smuggle across the country, it had been a easy decision for her and Joel to make. They made their choice because Ellie's life was too precious for 'what ifs', even if it meant the loss of a vaccine. Joel and Sam had been partners for over half a decade and she had made another choice early on in that partnership that she would follow Joel through hell if it meant staying by his side._

_So she gladly went through hell._

That confrontation had been over 12 hours ago and she hadn't seen Ellie or Joel since. The teenager's distance Sam understood, but the graying haired man's absence was upsetting. She had made coffee to try and calm herself but promised to search for him by sunset. Fate and Tommy were on her side. 

Just as the last bit of crimson sky disappears below the surrounding tree line, two figures stumble around the stone archway down the street. A slightly taller form is clearly slowing the pair, feet dragging against the cracked sidewalk. She meets them at the stairs.

The creases on his forehead and brow make him look 10 years older than he is. He doesn't say anything, only manages to wobble his head up in her direction, sad eyes glazed over. His shirt is a wrinkled mess and she can smell him from the bottom step. Tommy has to help lift his feet, slowly climbing up the short steps. Sam reaches out, pulling Joel's other arm around her shoulder to support the giant man across the porch.

Tommy fills the silence as she holds the door open. "Found him nearly half drowned in Seth's good stuff. Wouldn't talk about it. I think it has to do with Ellie and...well...you know." They disappear into the house, screen door falling shut with a thud behind them. 

It's even harder getting Joel up the tall stairs; half way up they contemplate leaving him on the living room couch. But she knows he'll appreciate the comfort of a mattress in the morning and the satisfied groan he makes when he finally falls into his bed confirms her thoughts. She thanks Tommy for bringing him back in one-incoherent-piece and after a quick discussion on when they hoped Ellie would come around he leaves with a brotherly hug. 

She climbs back up the steps to the second floor with an aching pain in her chest. " _We're done."_

The sight of him mindlessly drunk and sprawled out on the queen sized bed upsets her even more. How could they heal from this? 

Sam starts by untying his boot laces, tugging at the worn leather until each shoe slips off his heels. He groans appreciatively, stretching out his long legs as she sets the shoes down by the end of his bed. He simply lies there, breathing deeply with his eyes half lidded watching her unbuckle the belt from his waist.

"She knows."

His hoarse voice stills her fingers for a second before they grasp the sides of his jeans, awkwardly prying at his denim covered hips until he barely lifts, allowing her to pull the fabric down and off his legs. She avoids looking at his lap, turning away to fold the jeans neatly at his side table. 

"She hates my fuckin' guts." Joel snarls from behind her, throwing an arm over his face with an added whimper. 

Tears slip down her cheeks at the stabbing pain caused by his words, echoed by Ellie's. _"We're done."_ They've survived years on the road, walking straight into danger, putting their lives at risk on the daily. She's taken more lives than she can remember and sleeps with the heavy weight of pain from loosing countless friends. But nothing compares to the pain of feeling like she's just lost one of the two most important people in her life. 

"Sam," Joel's drawling voice drags her back to the present, her eyes opening, staring down at her hands clutching the side table where she's placed his reading glasses on top of the folded jeans. "Do ya hate me too?" 

She's back by the side of the bed in a few steps, looking down at his sweaty pale face pressed against the pillow. He can barely keep his eyes open and they fall shut when she softly brushes the short hair from his forehead. "I could never hate you, Joel. You know that, don't you?." She says, wanting to truly say what she's been feeling for the older man but not thinking he'd remember it in the morning anyway. 

Just as she's about to ask if he wants to take his shirt off too Joel's breathing deepens and his chest convulses as he begins to dry heaves. Running across the bedroom, Sam grabs the small trash bin in the corner, positioning it next to the bed just in time for him to empty the contents of his stomach.

She helps position him on his side, pulling the navy blue comforter up above his waist. He clutches for the trash bin again and she looks away when he vomits, the pained groan he makes only adding to her distress. All she can do is rub small circles on his back until the wave passes, keeping him propped on his side.

"I'll be right back. Just rest, okay? Close your eyes." Fingers brush the hair from his pasty forehead, his sunken eyes squinting at her when she pulls away.

They stare at each other and for a moment Sam feels completely lost looking into his dark hazel eyes. Usually she can gauge his emotions by the frown lines and creases of his face, or by the crow's feet and delightful gleam in his eye when he's in a particularly good mood. They'd spent years learning how to read each other without words, through looks and body language. Now all she sees is the dull ache of heartbreak reflecting back into her, echoing the pain she feels about potentially losing Ellie.

As soon as she makes it back down the stairs, the tears fall uncontrollably and she does nothing to stop them. She allows herself to break, pieces of her heart shattering there as she collapses quietly on the ground at the foot of the staircase, hands clawing into the railing. The banister feels solid and grounding when she finally presses her forehead against the wood, sniffling to end her crying.

Mustering up some strength she's able to get her feet back under her, wobbling as she stands. _"My life would have been worth something!"_ Sam understands. She knows the decision they made stole from Ellie while simultaneously giving her more than she had asked for. Sam, too, just wanted to feel worth something, feel useful. 

So she trudges into the kitchen, pulling a clean glass from cabinet overhead. The fridge light blinds her in the dark room but she pulls the pitcher of purified water out and fills the glass quickly. When the fridge door sealed shut she starts digging through their bottom cabinets for a recycled shopping bag. Plastics, unfortunately still abundant even after the world had been burning for twenty years. A folded rag from from the drawer by the sink gets tossed onto the counter and she only pauses for a second before reaching up for a green tea bag from their secret shelf of limited coffee and tea. 

Back upstairs, Joel is struggling with the black t-shirt now covering his head and shoulders, arms awkwardly bent, hands clawing at the material. Sam leaves the supplies on his nightstand before yanking the shirt free, allowing the man to fall back into his pillow with a loopy smile. 

"Darlin'." His speech is very slurred now, the massive intake of alcohol finally having caught up with the bearded giant. She pushes his sweaty outstretched hands away so she can retrieve the rag and water glass. 

She dips a corner of the rag into the water before holding the rim to his lips, Joel's trembling hands coming up to grab at her wrist as he swallows down the refreshing liquid. When the glass is pulled away she wipes the sweat droplets off his forehead, brushes across his rose-colored cheeks and finally cleans the drool and puke off his whiskered chin.

He watches through half-lidded eyes as she replaces the trash bag, tying off the soiled liner with a knot. "We've sure made a mess of this haven't we, big guy?" Her words get a rumbling hum in response and she glances over at his hand stretched out again, fingers curling towards her. She gives the drunken man a pained smile. "Let me run the trash out-"

"Stay." He grunts with an afflicted expression on his wrinkled face, shaking hand still reaching for her. "Please, Lord, don't leave me. I can't lose you too." Tears leak from the corners of his blood-shot eyes, bottom lip wobbling as he squeezes them shut. 

Holding back the impending water works, she sets the used bag away and nudges the trash bin closer to the bedside. Sam stands, hands moving behind her to undo her bra, the only clothing she removes besides her shoes and socks before climbing into the space next to Joel in the queen sized bed. She keeps him from turning over, her palm pressed firmly against his bare shoulder blade, rubbing soothing circles against his warm skin. "We'll get through this together. Don't give up on me now, old man."

They lay in the dark silence, the only sounds he's heavy exhales and soft moans as her fingers massage up the back of his neck. She enjoys watching the rise and fall of his broad back, feeling the soft pulse of his heartbeat under her fingertips. Her hands brush against the many puckered scars and healed cuts. She's familiar with many, having stitched him back together more times than she wanted to remember. 

When his breathing has evened out and her eyes are heavy from losing track of how many sheep she's counted, Sam presses her face against the warm skin of his shoulder despite the pungent smell of whiskey radiating off him. "I love you, Joel." 

* * * WINTER 2037 * * * 

Maria helps remove the stitches in her side a week after she and Joel return from the unprompted stay in log cabin Haven. Life has subtly shifted since then and the older woman seems to have picked up on the change in atmosphere between the two partners. 

"Y'know, I'm impressed. Joel did a decent job with these stitches. He takes good care of you." 

Soft hands finish cleaning the healed wound and help lift Sam upright on the reclining medical chair. Ignoring Maria's all-knowing stare, Sam slides down, feet landing gently against the tiled floor. " _Thank you_ , Maria." She's sore but grateful her mobility has gotten close to normal again, allowing her to take short walks through town when the winter cold hasn't been too bad. 

"Tommy said Joel was pretty riled up when you two got back." Maria says, watching the short haired woman button up a familiar green flannel shirt over her tank top.

"Seein' as he hadn't eaten for nearly three days, I'd assume so."

"Sure. But then he told Tommy something kind of funny." Maria disposes of the small stitches and unrecoverable gauze in a bin before eyeing Sam with a sly smile. "He said he was happy."

Sam's fingers pause on the last button as she stares back at the blonde woman with wide eyes. "He did not."

"Yes! Can you believe that? Joel said he was happy!" Maria laughs, walking towards her with arms raised in mock celebration.

"About starvin'?" Her joking earns her a gentle shove on her good side but the glare from Maria is more serious. She can't help feeling like she's being chastised by an older sister as the blonde's hands come to rest on her shoulders. 

"Sam! I'm _trying_ to ask you if something finally happened with a certain someone. A near death experience will do that, show you what's really important in your life." 

The radio on her hip buzzes and before she can use it as an excuse to avoid a conversation she's not entirely sure she's ready for, Maria's snatches the walkie-talkie and twists the dial down. Sam huffs, eyes looking up briefly at the ceiling before falling shut. Deep down she knows the older woman is right; she's tired. Exhausted of pretending she doesn't feel strongly for the grumpy, quiet, charming man she's shared a home with since they arrived in Jackson. 

"I already know he's the most important thing in my life, didn't need to nearly bleed out in a cabin to figure that one out." Once the confession leaves her an invisible weight is seemingly lifted from her shoulders. She still scowls at Maria for that smug grin on her face. 

"You love him?"

Sam glances at her dirty boots but it only takes a few seconds before her eyes lift to meet the other woman's, and after a sheepish grin and nod the blonde's arms are thrown around her neck with a high pitched squeal. 

"I knew it! Now when are you going to do something about it?" She asks with an encouraging wiggle of her eyebrows. The arms around her neck pull away but not before squeezing her shoulders. "You have to tell him!"

"I'm workin' on it." Sam croaks, cheeks turning a faint pink at the sudden overwhelming push on her love life.

"You've been ' _workin' on it'_ for how long now?" Maria throws her hands up before they settle on her hips, a devious smirk on her face. "We could always set him up with Ester. I'm sure she wouldn't mind watch tower duty this week."

"You wouldn't dare." Sam bites, jealousy and real anger bubbling up inside her despite understanding the teasing gibe.

"All I'm saying is that you're both wasting time. My biggest regret was not marrying Tommy sooner." 

"Oh yeah? You just wanted in his pants without your father getting pissed about some wedlock traditions." 

"He still put a ring on it, sister!" Maria sang waggishly as she waves her left hand in front of Sam's face, silver wedding band shinning.. 

"She's right. It's about damn time Joel made an honest woman out of you." Tommy calls playfully from the doorway and Sam turns around to see two figures at the door. The man in question lumbers awkwardly behind his younger brother, hands resting against the belt on his hips. "Your guard dog insisted he tag along". Tommy jokes, elbow pressing into Joel's side and earning him a threatening glare in return. 

Sam immediately wonders how much of their conversation was overhead and thinks fresh air would relieve her embarrassingly hot face. "Thanks a lot Pony Boy." She smirks as she and Maria walk towards the clinic exit. The long haired man receives a light slap on the arm as Sam steps past him with a jesting sneer. "I'll remember this when you need child care services." 

Outside the wind has picked up considerably and Sam regrets not putting on another layer before making the trek up to the clinic. She tunes out the bickering brothers as she gazes out on the snow covered streets of town, watching a couple of kids throwing snowballs at each other in the central park. They were easy to recognize and the ache in her side extends through her chest watching Ellie laugh with her friends. 

"You alright?" Joel's voices appears next to her, a gloved hand brushing the small of her back bringing her down to reality. She notes the concern in his voice but manages to smile up at the salt and pepper haired man.The hand on her back drifts up and rests between her shoulder blades, his large palm a comforting weight. 

"Getting better everyday." She says, shivering slightly as a cool breeze kicks up the snow drifts nearby. Joel notices the small action and quickly shucks off his beige coat, draping the massive material around her shoulders before she can say otherwise, not that she would've argued. The warmth completely envelopes her, the smell of the woods and something just Joel fill her nose when she casually turns to press her face into the large brown collar. 

She pulls her arms inside the jacket and tells him 'thank you' non-verbally when she bumps up against his side, her hands worming out from the over sized sleeves and wrapping around his elbow. Maria catches her eye, grin plastered on the blonde's face as she wiggles her eyebrows up and down again. Sam attempts to hide her blush as Tommy and Joel arrange plans for dinner that night and then the married couple leave hand in hand off towards Seth's bar. 

There's a palpable tension in their shared silence as they start strolling down the winding sidewalk, back to their two-story brick house. She's curious if he overheard the conversation with Maria. _"I knew it!"_ Her arm tightens around his bent elbow, steps drifting closer to his. 

It wasn't hard to notice the small changes in their relationship. Joel hasn't really left her side since they'd returned. It had taken Maria demanding he go home to at least ' _take a shower! You look and_ smell _like a caveman!'._ After one night in the clinic infirmary she was discharged to bed rest at home. She starts sleeping in his bed every night, thankful he makes excuses for them. _"The queen's a better mattress...for your recovery."_

He also kisses her now. Chaste kisses against her cheek when he climbs out of bed to get ready for the day. At night she feels his lips press against the back of her neck when he wraps his arms lightly around her like she might break if he holds her too tightly. The last two afternoons he's helped her down to the porch and even quietly serenaded her on his guitar before leaving for patrol, bending down to drop a gentle kiss on her forehead. She hates to see him leave but loves to watch his backside as he goes. 

After their stay in that log cabin, where she thought a bullet hole and starvation would be the end of her, she had promised to openly communicate with her life-saving partner. She was about to say those three words to him that first night they returned back to Jackson but Maria walked through the clinic doors before she could open her mouth. Even last night when he had brought up a cup of steaming tea to his bedroom for her and the words were bubbling at her lips, his radio had sounded off and he made a hasty exit to assist Tommy on some side mission.

Every time she gets the courage to try and start the conversation about what their partnership has become they get interrupted. She should have known that when she looks up to admire the man escorting her home. Telling Joel was a challenge but loving him was so easy.

His hair's been growing out, the waving mix of brown and gray strands pushed back around his ears. It's not yet reached his shirt collar. Usually he'd have her trim it in the large bathroom downstairs but she gives a silent thanks to their busy schedules for keeping them occupied from making any cuts. 

Snowflakes are drifting down and collect on his thick button down, shinning sparkles on his hair and whiskers. She watches his brow furrow, eyes narrowing and she turns her own eyes forward to see a trio of teenagers walking up the street in their direction. She feels his body tense under her hold on his arm and hopes the understanding squeeze she gives his bicep can give him some comfort. 

"Hey!" A smiling Jesse waves at them at they get closer, Dina and Ellie following close behind. The older couple give a friendly greeting in reply as their walking slows to a halt in front of a snow dusted park bench. Sam watches as Ellie avoids eye contact, shifting behind the black haired girl. 

"We heard you ran into bandits on last week's supply run!" Jesse says. Sam considers him a sweet kid, genuinely kind and willing to work. He'd even helped her toil the back garden last spring when Joel was gone on patrol. 

"Thankfully nothing we couldn't handle." Joel's free hand reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, weight shifting to the other foot. 

"We were so worried! Are you doing okay?" Dina's concerned eyes glance quickly at Ellie before back at the older woman. Ellie sinks farther into her winter coat but her ear is turned, listening. 

"Healing. Taking it one day at a time." Sam replies, hoping the words can represent more without making the encounter uncomfortable. Her heart beats faster when she catches Ellie's sad eyes look at her over Dina's shoulder. She notes Dina's use of 'we' and the small glances at the freckled brunette. 

"Well, it's great you're back home. Right, El?" Dina's hand reached out to squeeze the other girl's hand and Sam definitely notices that. 

To her great surprise, despite the slow recovery of their relationship, the young teen pulls away and steps past Dina and Jesse to stand in front of her. "Tommy said you almost died." Ellie's hands twitch towards the older woman before they're quickly shoved into jean pockets.

Sam can hear the grumble from Joel at her side but she decides to opt for honesty. "Yeah, it wasn't pretty. Not the nature vacation I had hoped for." She attempts to lighten the mood but the gravity of the near death experience resonates in her mind and heart. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this guy." The words tumble out of her as she gazes up at Joel standing awkwardly next to her, his deep hazel eyes scanning her face before dropping down to his snow boots. 

Ellie's melancholy stare shifts between them both before she nods, taking a step back and looking over her shoulder at the other teenagers. They exchange pleasant goodbyes and after wishing Sam a continued speedy recovery they continue up the hill towards town center, the adults traveling opposite. 

"Well, she looked at me. I'll take what I can get." Joel jokes sadly as they climb the porch steps, his arm an anchor of support as they make their way inside the house. She toes off her shoes by the door, hand still holding onto his bicep for balance. 

"I think she's got her eyes set on someone else." Sam says as he helps her out of his thick beige coat, placing it on the hook by the door. She thanks him as she ambles under the arched entryway to the longer couch set off in the living room, falling into the cushions with a sigh. 

Joel sits gingerly in the space next to her, arm moving up to rest along the back of the couch. "I know! I had a hunch her and Jesse were a thing." He scratches his beard with his other hand when Sam shifts into his side, but not before giving him an incredulous look.

"Jesse? No, no, no." Sam chides, head resting against his shoulder comfortably. She feels the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes and when he scoffs at her.

"Dina?" He mutters like he's studying a puzzle, scratching his cheek again before his hand falls down to his lap. With an audibly inhale his face breaks, raised eyebrows and wide eyes. "Wait, ain't _she_ dating Jesse though?" He grumbles, shaking his head and staring forwards through the front window, curtain pulled open. 

"Sure, but who knows? I saw how she held Ellie's hand, there's some affection there. She's a sweet girl." Sam smiles, thinking of the many times the dark haired teen assisted her in the kitchens. They had bonded over chopping vegetables and rewriting old recipes found from scouting missions. Dina had an attention to detail and level of care that other young adult helpers lacked, and Sam appreciates that she has been such a supportive friend for Ellie during the breaking of the trio's relationship.

She briefly remembers a conversation in the corn field when Ellie was younger, opening up about experimenting and exploring the new world of dating. Sam thought the two would be a smart match together if that's what Ellie wanted. Sam more than supported Ellie in her search for companionship. Something that she was very much wanting to discuss with a certain bearded man beside her. But Joel broke their silence, still ruminating on the teenage love affair. 

"They're just kids. You don't think she's started...they're having...you know?" 

Sam couldn't help but chuckle into the dark fabric of his button down, fingers toying with the flap of his breast pocket. "I don't think you wanna be dwelling on that possibility, Sweetheart." Her mind flashes to the old VHS tapes the clinic shows the town's prepubescent teens, grainy films from Before about hormones, consensual sex, and abstinence, a simple introduction into puberty and physical relationships. Before the discovery at St. Mary's, Ellie had shown no shame in asking Sam all kinds of questions about changes and she hopes that they can recover to a point where Ellie feels comfortable talking to her like she once did.

"They're still old enough to start making those decisions. Her body; her choice. Whatever she does, as long as she's safe and hopefully taking precautions." 

A deep rumble reverberates through his torso as his arm falls the short distance from the top of the couch to her shoulders. "I 'spose you're right. Ain't like when I was a kid anymore, that's for damn sure." He breathes through his nose and groans as he drops his chin to rest against her head. She's always enjoyed having a close physical relationship with Joel over the years. Personal space wasn't really a thing when they were so often pressed against walls behind hordes of Infected or trapped in close proximity sneaking through overrun concrete jungles.

The vision of them laying on that raggedy log cabin mattress only a week ago flashes through her mind. When she was settled against him, whiskers on his upper lip tickling her face as they kissed. And kissing him had been intoxicating. The mingling of their hot breath and his heavy hands cradling her back, holding her against him with firm arms. 

Just as he is doing now on the couch in their living room as the sun begins setting through the window outside. His fingers gently card through the hair on the back of her head. She feels the steady beat of his heart under her palm, a habit she's come to check almost daily. 

"Anyone would be lucky to have her." Sam whispers into his chest. As soon as the words leave her mouth, he squeezes her against him tightly in a bear hug, pressing his face into her hair and breathing in. It gives her the courage to continue, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. "I know I'm lucky to have you." His body stills against her and she's suddenly worried she's made a misstep until the hand in his lap reaches up.

He cups the side of her face, thumb stroking over the reddening skin on her cheek. Dark eyes search hers for permission to come further and then he's tilting in so his nose brushes against hers gently. Joel's lips are just a faint whisper against her own when a banging _thwack_ startles them, making them spring apart from each other on the couch. 

Sounds of laughter from outside quickly draw their attention and Sam stares mortified out the living room window at the group of school children pointing at them. The wet icy remains of a snowball slide down the outside window pane. The little shits have the decency to look scared when Joel stands up from the sofa and stomps towards the window, waving a threatening pointer finger at the kids at they run up the hill tossing snow at each other instead. He yanks the blinds shut, enclosing the living room in dim shadows before he turns around to face her with a sheepish smile. 

Sam can't help but laugh at cruel fate and bad timing once again. The moment may have passed but the tension in her loins is still very much present just staring at the tall man in front of her. The warmth in her chest spreads lower when he rests his hands on his hips, fingers toying with his leather belt. She swallows, thinking of what they might have been doing currently if they weren't so rudely interrupted. 

Joel seems to have other, less physical, plans. "I thought I'd work on that guitar a bit before dinner." He doesn't specify but she knows exactly which half-built wooden body he's talking about. It's made from a beautiful spruce he'd cut, shaped, and crafted over a few weeks. All that remained was a few bits and pieces to attach before stringing it and presenting it to Ellie.

She couldn't fault him for wanting to continue rebuilding the relationship with the girl he considered a daughter. They'd been through too much to let the love die, and she appreciated that Joel was determined to bridge the gap while giving Ellie the space she needed. 

Space was exactly what she needed as she used Joel's arm for support up the steps to the second floor landing. Having him so close was sometimes overwhelming. His smell, his smile, his laugh. She immediately misses the feel of him when they separate, him lingering by the shop door and her stepping towards her own bedroom. "I think I'll take a shower." She pushes the bedroom door open with her back, eyes not wanting to leave his handsome face. When he smiles and turns, she settles for his denim covered rear instead. 

There won't be any hot water this late in the day but she's thankful it's Friday and there's water at all. The gurgling pipes bring frigid refreshing water streaming from the shower head. She lets it run over her, shivering from the cold but the act of getting clean is always enjoyable after the apocalypse.

The biting chill does nothing to settle the fire in her stomach. Sam adds to the flames when she lathers soap in her hands and down her chest, brushing sensitive nipples. Mindful of the recent wound in her side, her fingers slide down to the small patch of hair between her legs. 

One of the downsides to sharing Joel's bed at night more often had been the reduction of her alone time for self-pleasure. She didn't complain; just laying wrapped in his arms was as satisfying as her own hand. Her fingers are doing a fine job now as she bites her bottom lip, propping her foot on the bottom faucet for better access as her fingers brush down sensitive wet folds. It only takes a minute of her hand working that delicate bud and the familiar tugging in her lower pelvis slowly starts to build.

Suddenly the pipes behind tile gurgle again and unceremoniously shut off, leaving Sam standing awkwardly unfinished. She can only grumble, grateful she had at least gotten time to rinse the shampoo from her hair. Grabbing a towel off the counter, she pats down her dripping body and wraps the fabric around her. 

Her bedroom is chilly, the twin bed and small dresser cast with a hazy blue glow from side window. Rhythmic sounds of sanding drift in from the cracked door on her right. Bare feet pad over and she peaks out to see a sliver of Joel bent over his workshop desk with a block of sand paper in hand. They were suppose to meet Maria and Tommy for dinner soon but the temptation to finish what she started in the bathroom is strong enough for her to quietly push the bedroom door shut. 

She moves over to the twin bed, ignoring the made sheets and falling on top of the blankets, still wrapped in her towel. Sam closes her eyes and thinks of the bearded man across the hall. The vision of his strong hands on his brown belt plays in her mind, his long fingers dancing over the shining buckle. She imagine him undoing the restraint, tugging the leather strap free. Her own hands slide back down to her core, fingers brush teasingly over her clit before slipping between her folds. 

Minutes pass slowly as she switches between toying with her sensitive bud and pushing her middle finger into her with gasping breathes. She's given up not thinking of _him_ when she touches herself long ago. He's her go to. Just the idea of him undoing his pants has her coming undone. 

She's so close to the peak. The hot coil inside her tightening in ecstasy as she bites back a moan. Her fingers work faster, building towards an aching climax. She's too focused on hiding her own noise that she doesn't hear the foot fall in the hallway. Fingers rapidly rub against her clit, bringing her over the edge and silently screaming out, her eyes squeezing shut in time that she doesn't notice the turning of the door handle. It's only after she's ridden the high of her climax that through half-lidded eyes she sees his figure shadowing in the doorway, eyes burning into hers. 

Sam lays frozen, wide eyes staring in a mixture of lust and surprise at the tall blushing man in her doorway. His hand has a vice grip on the door knob and for a moment his arm flexes like the thought of running flashes through his head. But Joel stands there, staring at her with a wild look in his eyes. He blinks at her, swallowing as he takes a nervous step forward into the room. 

His mouth opens like he wants to speak but snaps shut quickly, pink tongue darting out to wet his lips instead. She watches him hastily tug the radio from his hip, her eyes lingering on the bulge at the front of his pants. "Ain't gonna make it to dinner, gotta take a rain check." 

Tommy's reply comes quickly through the static. "Everything alright? Sam okay?"

Her chest warms at the concern from her adoptive brother but her mind is more focused on the burly man staring at her with blazing eyes. He tosses the walkie-talkie to her as he silently stalks closer to the bed until his knees fall, pressing into the mattress as his hand runs up the bare skin of her ankle, calloused fingers causing goosebumps and a shiver straight to her core. His eyes never leave hers, always asking for permission to continue his path along her leg, pushing the faded towel away from her body.

"Just a little tired Pony Boy. Tell Maria I'm sorry and she was right." Sam manages before his hand reaches above her knee and her head falls back against the pillow. 

"Well don't let us keep you up then. Joel still has patrol tomorrow morning!" 

Joel presses a kiss against the inside of her left knee, beard prickling her sensitive skin as he rubs against her leg like a cat. His eyes are bright and bold as he studies her. She mentally begs him forward and he reads her wanton expression, pulling up to hover above her. His hands dip into the mattress by her shoulders and she wraps her arms around his neck as his weight presses in between her thighs. 

She ducks her head to the side as his lips brush along her jaw, just reaching her ear before the radio breaks the romantic spell. Tommy's drawl comes over the tiny speaker. "Maria says y'all should avoid any strenuous physical activi-" The radio is quickly silenced and tossed onto the side table. 

Joel presses his forehead against hers and they lay staring into the other's eyes for a peaceful moment, her hands brushing through his hair. Finally he kisses her with desperate and needy lips. 

"Ya don't know how much I want this." He mumbles against her cheek before nuzzling into her neck. The delicious weight of him on top of her and the hard pressure against her thigh give her a decent idea. "But I need you...a hundred percent. I don't want to hurt you." His hand brushes against the sore wound on her side. Sam knows he's right, even climbing stairs presented physical challenges right now. Her only regret is that she got to finish without him. 

Eventually he pulls away, leaving her with kisses along her bare leg the way he came. They agree to meet in his room in 5 minutes, long enough for her to change into clean pajamas and grab a book. She pushes his bedroom door open early, unannounced just as he had been. The bed is empty of Joel but Sam climbs into the vacant sheets, glancing over at the light peeking out from under the bedroom door. 

He comes out five minutes later, a sheepish grin on his face as he joins her on the bed. She places her book on the night stand before clicking the lamp off and shifting back into the space beside him. Joel puts his hand on her hip, running along the hem of her shirt, fingers teasing at the skin underneath. 

_They should talk about what just happened._ Thankfully, Joel seems to have read her mind. His arm wraps further around her, tugging her against him with a content sigh.

"Did you notice earlier?" He whispers into the hair behind her ear. "You called me Sweetheart?" 

Her heart beats faster. "Did you...like it?" She asks, fingertips lightly brushing over his knuckles. He hums a pleasant affirmation in response that makes her smile. Warmth spreads through her entire chest; they've just made massive progress and it gives her the confidence to squeeze his hand in hers. "Well, you are. You're my sweetheart, Joel. Now will you hold me like I'm not fine China?" 

"Yes, Ma'am. Anything for you, Darlin'." 


End file.
